Why men can be obsolete to us.

[Irene Sieders]

I will just start with the title and leave the rest open to your imagination and let you tell me why they are. I found out that I didn't need mine for all sorts of things, ranging from putting out the trash and the recyclable paper to doing the heavy grocery shopping and sex.

[ellie]

I couldn't wait to be on my own so that I could make decisions without deferring to him. If something needs to be done/bought it is down to me and if I'm too lazy then thats my own fault. I didn't want my clothes ruined in the wash anymore. I wanted to go to bed when I wanted not when I was told to. I do not miss my ex one little bit. The family is happier, I am happier and even the sex is better without him. The only thing I would need a man for is wallpapering which is why I paint my walls.

[Irene Sieders]

It's as if I hear myself speaking. Isn't it amazing what sort of influence a man has on us no matter how emancipated and intelligent we are? You put a man and a woman together and immediately the power struggle starts, unless you are married to a man who is so brow beat by his mother that he is ineffectual as a human being at all.

I am really tired of the myth that we as women need a man in our lives so that we may be fulfilled. As if we are incomplete human beings without them. It is so important that we learn to live our lives as if we can do without a man in it and be completely self sufficient. I think that is especially important emotionally.

The first thing we do when we are hardly grown up, is go on a quest to find mister right and we don't quit until we think we have him, making us rather desperate. I think it is much better to prepare for life as a self contained autonomous human being who can stand on her own two feet and take care of herself, whether of not that includes wallpapering.

Thanks Ellie, for coming by and joining in the discussion.

[ellie]

When I divorced my husband I thought I needed a new man in my life but the men who came and went didn' make me happy. Now I have Paul in my life to a small degree. But most of our relationship has been carried out at a distance. During the months I have learnt that I don't need a man to make me happy. Only I can make me happy. I try to be self sufficient. I am struggling with the financial mess my ex left me with but I am getting there and can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. But more importantly I am doing it on my own. I have become a much more confident person in the last year especially since the start of this year.

I have come to understand that I don't need a man but it is nice to have one there as the icing on my cake from time to time. I am not sure I could live full time with a man again. I am too selfish, I want to do thing in my own way in my own time not to anyone else's schedule.

[Irene Sieders]

Right, I agree with you there. first and foremost we are responsible for our own happiness and should not go looking for it in someone else's arms. It's better to be happy first and then, if you want to, run into someone else who can share your happiness. The point is, that you should not need this person. Women should be self sufficient and function on their own and not find their solace and security in a man. We as women, should feel confident enough to function as autonomous human beings and not as semi helpless females who need a man in their lives to fix the things that we should be able to fix ourselves if we are smart and independent enough. I, for one, feel a great need to take care of myself and to prove that I can do that. I take great pleasure in every deed done and I can think of a dozen things that are daring, that I would want to do on my own without a man to 'help' me. So, I have a long way to go before I would ever let a man come back into my life in any sort of capacity at all. Especially since I seem to attract the kind of men who want to take over and take care of me and I don't want that.